Nedarim 20b

נדרים כ׳ ע״ב

Learn Nedarim 20b step by step: Aramaic beside English, every question, answer and proof colour-coded.

Open Nedarim 20b in Gemara Clarity

Topic

Conduct during marital intimacy and how it affects children, the ruling against יוחנן בן דהבאי, and the opening of the new פרק on four kinds of non-binding vows.

Overview

The amud opens at the end of a story. People asked אימא שלום, wife of רבי אליעזר, why her children were so beautiful. She described her husband's modest conduct, which included speaking with her during intimacy. This challenged יוחנן בן דהבאי's warning against speaking. The גמרא answers that only talk about other matters is a problem. רבי יוחנן then rules that the הלכה does not follow יוחנן בן דהבאי at all, comparing a couple's private life to meat or fish a person may prepare as he likes. אמימר explains that the 'ministering angels' behind those rules were really חכמים, and stories about רבי and רב show the same ruling in real cases. רבי teaches that a man must not think of another woman during intimacy, even his own second wife. רבי לוי lists the flawed situations that produce rebellious children, and the גמרא explains that a wife who gently hints is praised, unlike the brazen חצופה. The פרק ואלו מותרין then closes, and a new משנה begins listing four kinds of vows that חכמים treat as not binding, starting with a haggling example.

Opening lines

The steps (18)

1. Challengeאימא שלום describes her husband's modest conduct
2. Challengeרבי אליעזר explains the reason for his conduct
3. ResolutionSpeech about intimacy is different from other talk
4. ConclusionThe הלכה does not follow יוחנן בן דהבאי
5. StatementThe 'ministering angels' were really the Sages
6. QuestionWhy the Sages are called angels
7. StatementA woman complains to רבי and he cannot help
8. StatementThe same complaint before רב: like a fish
9. StatementDo not think of another woman
10. StatementEven with his own two wives
11. StatementRebels come from nine flawed traits
12. StatementThe list of flawed traits spelled out
13. ChallengeChallenge: a wife who asks for intimacy produces great children
14. ProofThe proof from יששכר
15. ResolutionAnswer: hinting is praised, openly demanding is not
16. Conclusionהדרן: Closing the פרק of ואלו מותרין
17. StatementNew פרק: The four kinds of vows that חכמים released
18. StatementExample of a vow of urging: haggling over a price